Hope and Fear

The other night I was thinking about fear (in case you’re wondering, I do that instead of sleeping). See, I have these Socratic debates in my head, wherein I determine which side of the debate sounds—on the whole—less mind-fuckingly insane to me, and then I refine it, and blend in the less crazy parts of the (on the whole) more insane side, until I come to a conclusion. On good days, this takes the ambiance of a pair of lefty heads, building on a lazy Saturday afternoon—albeit sans Matrix references. Bad days… not so much.

Anyways, I came to the conclusion that hope and fear are flip sides of the same coin: they are both irrational emotional investments in the future. Hope, for it’s part, is irrational positivity applied to your predictions. Fear, for it’s part, is irrational negativity applied to your predictions. Ultimately, neither one is really worth it, and both are let-downs. The things you fear are never as bad as you have built them up in your mind. So too, the things you hope for are never as good.

I would not be surprised if this is because (to me at least) both are forced. I have to make myself afraid, just as I have to make myself hopeful, as I don’t feel I am naturally either at this point. Of course, this makes the fear and hope that much more square-peg-in-round-hole, and wastes a lot of my energy. Which in turn becomes an excuse for not doing anything to fix the issues underlying the emotions in the first place.

And that’s naturally slap-worthy stupid.

Oh yes, and at some point, I must create and use an IlludiumPu236SpaceModulator abstract base class. Perhaps on Monday. 🙂